Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
