Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
