my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
