i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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