I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
there is puke in my bra ... again
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