Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
