Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
