What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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