Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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