Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
