just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
