You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize