i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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