i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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