my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The adults are the big ones right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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