I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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