my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
