dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
