she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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