Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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