I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We left the knife in your bed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
