i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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