To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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