no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
