is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hippo gnu deer
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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