I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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