3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think my fart just growled at me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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