Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize