Who wears a wallet chain?!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize