this boner is exhausting
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize