Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
