just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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