STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
