I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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