just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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