I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
