You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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