fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
