maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
