she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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