and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
