i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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