My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
