Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize