That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
