I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
