someone threw a dead crab at me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
