why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
accomplished twins. life is a go
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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