I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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