we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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