I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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