But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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