I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
