Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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