Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
