let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
