I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
