If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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