What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
