And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
