i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
