My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
