remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
