Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
