Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize