Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
