***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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